Friday 8 April 2011

A Principle Search Process




I sometimes wonder who I am...what does it mean to be me? Where do my strengths lie in my individuality?

Am I a born and bred British Indian-Pakistani? I struggle to hold onto my culture, but reject of it that which I deem to be backward and unacceptable in Britain. But then I can't define myself as British for I reject some aspects of that culture as it doesn't fit in with my principles. What ARE my principles? I look to my career for an answer...

Am I defined by my career as a Software Tester in a global company? I love my job. I love picking out bugs and problems in software that has been so meticulously programmed by back-office software developers. I relish in diplomatically pulling their work apart and then being paid for it every month. Does this make me a bad person? Is this part of my principles? Maybe my personal relationships can clear the muddy waters...

I am a daughter; I am a wife; I am a sister; I am a daughter in-law; I am an aunt; I am a sister in-law. My relationships in my life have played a huge role in defining me. They are a big part of my life and I cannot describe the myriad of emotions I feel when I think of them - joy, gratefulness, happiness. I don't think I'd be who I am today if it wasn't for their love, their support and for them just being there. Words cannot describe how they have shaped me for who I am today. But the principles I hold today were not those that I held 10 years ago. So despite my family being there for me my whole life and have given me some of the values I hold today, they clearly do not hold the answers to defining my principles in their entirety...

Am I defined by my friendships? My friends in life have shown me part of the way to who I am. They say that you are defined by your friends. I don't take that to mean that having good or bad friends means that you are a good or bad person by default. I believe it means that the result of your friendships with people show you who are, who you turn into and what you believe...and there's that word...believe...

And then...I am a Muslim. I believe. What do I believe? I believe in Islam. I turn to my Lord 5 times a day trying to achieve humility in front of Him each time. I turn to my Lord in happiness, sorrow, anger, patience, hoping to pass each of His tests. When I am alone, I know I can rely on Him. When I ask myself what my beliefs are, I think of His Divine and Unequivocal Words. And when I ask myself who I am, I don't look at my family, my career, my nationality or my friends...I just look in the mirror and the answer to my principles stands right in front of me. I am a Muslim woman.